Let's talk about sex - after baby

So let's brace the subject that seems to be still taboo. Sex after baby.

You may be aware that there are amazing physical and hormonal changes going on behind the scenes after you have a baby. Many women are worried what their vagina will feel like after they give birth. Will it be stretched beyond recognition? Will it hurt to have sex? Will it be horrible for my partner? You will be happy to know that most women's vaginas return to normal size and shape after birth. It may not be exactly the same as before but there is no reason to think that you won't have great sex again.

One thing that you may not be aware of is that if you are breastfeeding then your progesterone levels higher then they would be at other times. So this means that there is a decrease in natural vaginal lubrication. This can make things a lot more uncomfortable during sex and may even make your partner think that they aren't 'turning you on.' But stop!! There is nothing wrong with either of you! Its just your body's normal process until you get your menstrual cycle back. Your desire can also be affected due to your hormones. So it would be a great time to invest in some good lube. 

So lets talk desire. Lots a women just aren't interested in having sex after a baby. You may be bleeding for a few weeks after birth, have some tearing and/or stitches or a ceasarean birth and your hormones are still a bit all over the place. Or you may just be touched out. All your emotional and physical energy may be directed to your new baby and other children, so you may have nothing left to give. This can start to affect your relationship. But it will pass, your hormones will return to normal, your baby will not breastfeed forever and you will regain your energy. There are other things that you can do other than intercourse to build intimacy. Communication is the key. What help from your partner would help you be more in the mood, or have more energy? Perhaps asking for help with household duties or asking for a nice relaxing bath to be run for you? A nice back massage or foot rub? All of the things could make the mood more condusive to intimacy. Remember that partners are not mind readers, sometimes you need to ask for help. You can't expect to be super woman, even more so after you have given birth. Also honesty and openess is also essential. There is no point feeling pressured to have sex, or continuing to have sex if it is too uncomfortable, because you feel sorry for your partner. Your partner will appreciate your honesty and you work through any fears or anxieties together.

Rebecca Possamai